A woman has opened up about a colleague who told another worker not to discuss her grief without asking permission beforehand. Writing on Mumsnet, the worker said one of her “lovely and well liked” colleagues had lost both her parents within four weeks of eachother. She said the majority of her colleagues had “flocked” to help her manage her grief at work and offer “real life support”.

But one of her colleagues said it was “triggering” for her to discuss her grief and suggested she schedules in talks instead.

Writing on Mumsnet, the “staggered” woman wrote: “Colleague at work has had a terrible time recently and lost both her parents within four weeks of eachother.

“She is in an awful state as you can imagine. People have flocked round to help and offer real life support in practical ways.

“Another colleague has suggested she takes more care when talking to colleagues and getting upset and has said she should say ‘I’m really upset right now and I was wondering if you had the capacity to talk about it’ before she speaks to anyone, in case they find it triggering.

“This is so it gives them the opportunity to say ‘hey i’m feeling a little overwhelmed with work right now but I can talk next Wednesday…’

“For context, bereaved colleague is in her late 40’s – k******* colleague is 24. The people bereaved colleague is talking to are friends as well as working together.”

She continued: “Also, bereaved colleague is behaving in an appropriate way – not putting it on anyone or taking advantage. I am honestly staggered by this – are there a new generation of people who really, even in these most extreme of situations put themselves first?

“What will it be like if people have such strong boundaries that they never help anyone else? I have been in a terrible situation before and the idea of someone saying they could fit me in in a weeks time would have seemed impossible.

“With grief, you are often going hour to hour especially in the first few months.”

The woman asked for opinions on the discussion site.

One person said they would “call out” the “callous” 24-year-old, whilst another said they could “see both sides” of the argument.

Another said: “I wonder whether they’d be better taking some time off. Of course, his/her friends can take some time out of their working day to be supportive, but they are there to work.”

Another suggested she had “no concept of huge life events yet” and called her “immature” for her request.

The original posted confirmed the bereaved colleague had been speaking about her loss during breaks and when people checked in on her.

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