‘I want the final say on who comes to my daughter’s wedding – I paid for it’
A mum who’s footing the bill for her daughter’s wedding thinks she should have a say in the guest list.
The anonymous woman took to Reddit to share her anguish.
She said “I want to invite my friends to my daughter’s destination wedding – it’s my day too. We have been arguing over this and she told me to post this here for opinions.”
She further explained: “For context, I am paying for the whole wedding. She is pretty introverted and doesn’t have a lot of friends she wants to invite. Her husband-to-be on the other hand is very extroverted and has a lot of people he would invite given the chance.
“I thought it would be fair then that the bride’s side gets 30 invites and the groom’s side gets 30 invites as we are on a budget.
“Since my daughter doesn’t have a lot of people, and there are spots on her side left over (after family and her friends) I have people I want to invite.
“Between my husband and I, we have 13 people to invite. To be honest, there was no leaving them out one way or the other as we have social obligations to invite them anyway. I feel as though since we are paying for this and are hosting it, we should get a say in who comes regardless.”
After putting the idea forward, she was surprised when her daughter argued and told her that this is not how it normally works and that, “she and her fiancee should have first priority in who comes and the spots should be dedicated to her fiancee’s friends before her mother’s if there are limited seats”.
According to the mum, her daughter said: “This is my wedding and not a ‘class of 74 reunion”.
Following the disagreement, the bride’s parents now feel in an awkward position. She went on: “[The groom] or his family are not financially contributing to this at all. It will reflect poorly on me if I don’t invite my and my husband’s people.”
“My social obligations to my friends are because I have known some of these people for 50-plus years and I do not want to ruin friendships that strong. I was invited to their children’s weddings so why would they not be invited to my child’s wedding? She’s refusing to see my side and says that her fiancee being limited in his guests and his parents only being allowed to invite 2 people because they aren’t in a place to contribute is unfair.”
The bride has told her mother that she doesn’t mind her friends being invited but that her problem lies in her and her fiancee being limited.
The mother of the bride then wrote, “If I am not allowed to throw this up to my standard, I do not want my name on it.”
“They can do what they want, but I have half a mind to pull my money from the equation if they insist on not allowing who I want to be there. I told them they will have full control over everything else! It will still be their day! I just want my friends there to support the big day! Is that really so wrong? Am I really the a hole? I am starting to think I have a bridezilla and groomzilla on my hands.”
Reddit users mostly sided with the daughter. One user commented: “You’re the a**hole. I get the argument that you should have a say in the guest list to a degree if you’re funding the wedding.
“But this is still their day. They clearly don’t feel these people have been meaningfully close enough to their relationship to include them. They want to invite people who they feel they are closer with.”
Another user agreed, saying: “She’s not inviting [her friends] because they’re close to the bride and groom. She’s inviting them out of ‘social obligation’. And if she doesn’t get her way, she doesn’t want HER name on it. Total mother-of-bridezilla.”
One more user chimed in: “I mean, just the fact that mum is trying to make her daughter’s wedding all about herself screams ‘control freak’.”
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