We mustn’t be serious all the time says Dame Esther Rantzen
Those happy lunches I usually enjoy each year, the teasing and the laughter. They now feel a lifetime away, as so much has happened in the past week. The restaurants and pubs have closed, parties are cancelled. I am drinking to the health of my friends and family via the internet. It’s become a virtual Mother’s Day. But I know I’m lucky. Many of the older people who ring The Silver Line confidential helpline are used to agonising loneliness, all day, every day.
Mother’s Day, Easter and bank holidays have no special place in their calendars.
As one of our callers told me on Christmas Day itself, for her, “it’s just another day to get through”.
But even older people who are used to coping with isolation are finding these days more difficult than ever.
The Silver Line is struggling to answer all the calls from older people desperately worried about this vile new illness.
We are only able to answer around half of them. The vast majority of our callers live alone, and loneliness has always been their main reason for calling. But now each call is tinged with fear.
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Our callers are frightened not just for themselves but for the whole world.
And, of course, some of them, frail themselves, are caring for a partner who needs their support desperately.
What will happen if either of them are struck down by the virus? Loneliness magnifies this fear. One of our callers, Marjorie, aged 84, needed to talk to someone, because apart from The Silver Line she has nobody else to discuss it with, to share her worries and to make sure she accurately understands the little we know about this new plague.
Like many of our callers, she has no internet access, so she told us: “I am totally dependent on news coverage. And there is precious little reassurance there. I hardly dare listen to it – every bulletin makes me feel more and more anxious.”
Lilian, aged 75, rang us to ask about her carer. As she explained, her worry is that carers move from home to home, and so could potentially take the infection with them.
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She told us: “When you’re totally housebound like me, you are completely dependent on the hygiene precautions of others. I hope for their sake and mine they have all the protection they need.”
Albert is 82, and told us he is concerned that “my health might not be up to it”.
He said he just about copes with normal routines so he is worried about the complications it will bring to his life, to try to make sure he receives deliveries of food and medication.
The virus “looms over his life like a black cloud”.
And then there’s money. Albert is very anxious about having enough to pay for everything. And he lives in sheltered accommodation with communal areas, usually a place to meet his neighbours and have a cup of tea together.
Can he “socially distance” enough to protect them, and himself? How dangerous is it? He would like the news to give out comparative information about deaths from seasonal flu, so that he can gain some perspective.
Should we all be panicking, or not? One of our callers, Violet, aged 79, told us she is so concerned about contracting the virus she has stopped going out and has stopped socialising altogether.
It is a vicious circle because she already suffers from anxiety, so staying at home entirely on her own with time on her hands is adding to her anxiety.
Our adviser did their best to reassure her but Violet knows that nobody can guarantee that the virus will not affect her area.
Many of our callers are deeply concerned about others. Elizabeth, aged 90, described how her daughter’s business is suffering.
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She said that if her daughter has to shut her business down, she will have to help her daughter financially, which will use up the savings that she has set aside for her own healthcare.
And, of course, all our callers are deeply worried about the already overstretched NHS. They don’t want to create more problems by needing treatment themselves.
The question all of us face is how can we maintain our own physical and mental health, without endangering others?
First of all, nobody should underestimate the importance of the constant advice. Besides washing our hands, we must selfisolate.We must socially distance ourselves.
And that means two things. Stay at home, and when we need help, use the telephone and ask for it.
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Now that we are stuck indoors there are loads of ways to use the time. Write the story of your life, sort all your boxes of photos, and write the description on the back so that somebody knows who on earth that man with a funny hat and an even funnier moustache is.
What social isolation doesn’t mean is that you have to stay indoors, that you can’t go for a walk if you’re fit and healthy, or telephone a friend if you fancy a conversation.
And if you’re on the internet, there are loads of good jokes, cartoons and videos doing the rounds. Although we must take the illness seriously, we needn’t be serious ourselves all the time. During the last war we knew that.
Think of Churchill with his cheeky V-sign. Or the naughty songs about Hitler that my parents sang with gusto. We can’t make the dangers go away but we can stop them overwhelming us.
I’m thrilled with the offers of help I’ve received from people, both for me personally, and for the charities I work with.
I’m less thrilled with the cold-hearted stockpilers who ruthlessly empty the shelves of everything, especially loo paper.
So this Mother’s Day, I’ll spend a long time on the telephone, to my children and grandchildren.
Maybe I’ll go out in the garden and pick myself a bunch of daffodils. Just to remind myself that spring is here, life goes on and, with luck, we’ll all be together next Mother’s Day.
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