I absolutely love my work. Since 2018, I’ve been self-employed as a writer and entertainer, which was my dream from childhood.

Having worked in standard call centre and office jobs for years, making money and lining the pockets of other people a lot more than my own, when I finally got the opportunity to branch out on my own, it gave me a great sense of pride in my career. In turn, every tax contribution felt less of a burn as my wage was from doing something I enjoyed rather than resented.

My main source of income had been my part-time job at the Nottingham Writers’ Studio, where I work 10 hours a week. By the end of the month, it just about covers all of my essential bills like the mortgage, utilities, council tax, phone, internet.

At the same time, I work as a drag queen – however it can be a very expensive profession because of costuming supplies, getting to gigs, and promoting shows to name but a few things. Once I’d covered my food shopping and travel expenses, any extra money I make goes straight back into my business rather than being saved.

When coronavirus hit, like so many others, my income suffered terribly. 

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The first drag event I had to actively cancel was in March. The shows I take part in have been sell-outs every month, so there was no way we could have gone ahead without putting our patrons at risk of infection.

It was the first time one couldn’t go ahead since November 2017 and I was devastated. The show had become a highlight of the month for the local community, and was something I had grown to rely on financially.

We suspected it wouldn’t be the first and last cancellation – but hoped it would. of course, our suspicions were proved right. Following that, it was just event after event being put on hold or cancelled. It was relentless.

Even my work as a writer suffered as I’m a’ words for wellbeing’ tutor (where participants write for enjoyment rather than focusing on publication). A course scheduled for May had to be postponed as it couldn’t be held virtually due to the emotive nature of work, then a series of storytelling workshops for a mental health organisation were cancelled soon after. 

Like many others who found themselves in this situation, I thought I could at least rely on Universal Credit to get me through. I was wrong.

When I first heard they were widening the playing field, so to speak, by removing the ‘minimum income floor’, to help self-employed people whose income has fallen, I was optimistic.

I used two different calculators recommended on the governments’ own website to determine what I’d be entitled to, but each time it declared I wasn’t eligible to claim.

The reason why was because I was co-habiting with my partner, which meant I also had to log his earnings and everything we have in the bank.

Based on my partner’s salary, although we’d been for the most part financially comfortable since I became self-employed, under government guidelines this constituted a joint ‘high income’, as if we were living like the Kardashians!

But the truth was, now I was bringing in barely any money, my partner’s income would have to cover both our shares of all essential bills, which made it a struggle for us to do much else.

It was incredibly frustrating, to go from being able to contribute to the household to worrying about getting by each month.

This feels like a huge flaw in the Universal Credit system that people who were previously financially independent have to become very much dependent on their partner.

The joint application is just an extra hoop to jump through when you’re already seeking temporary aid, and feeling like enough of a burden as it is. Fortunately, my partner has been very understanding and said we’d find a way to make things work in the interim.

However, even if I was declared eligible, others I’ve spoken to have told me the sum is a measly amount (as little as £40 per fortnight).

One artist I know and her partner, a designer, are self-employed and did qualify. They were entitled to less than grand a month for their household, which might sound great on paper, but as they had to declare any additional income, it worked out the Government took 63p off the Universal Credit for every pound she’d managed to make.

The process of applying for Universal Credit is an inhumane checkbox exercise

In the end, I opted to crowdfund a virtual storytelling project which I’m grateful was well-received by my community and reached its target of £1000. This money will at least help tide me over, as has doing virtual events through streaming platforms and keeping the Writers’ Studio going by obtaining emergency funding from the Arts Council. 

The process of applying for Universal Credit is an inhumane checkbox exercise. It’s hard not being able to talk to anyone directly to explain your individual circumstances, and that you don’t want to be in this position. 

You’re made to feel like a hassle, a failure, in having to seek out this support when previously you were self-sufficient, even though it’s due to circumstances out of your control.

I do remain hopeful that my work will pick back up as the lockdown lifts. I think the arts and entertainment will thrive (if there are enough venues left open to accommodate it) as many people have found solace in creativity while in lockdown but obviously they want to go out.

If the wait is longer or I continue to struggle, it might be that I have to find a temp job, but a number of artists I know seeking employment with remote sales or marketing are struggling in this area too. 

However, we’re also still at the mercy of coronavirus – there’s no point in getting overexcited and contributing to a potential second wave of the virus. As desperate as we are to work, there’s a heavy risk hanging over it. 

I accept that my situation could be far worse. I’ve been held up by my wonderful local community and an eternally supportive partner I’m so thankful for.

Without this I could have been left in a far worse position, falling behind on bill payments, ending up in debt, going hungry – the list goes on.

All that my experience in trying to get Universal Credit seemed to prove is that something needs to change, and fast, so people can get help when they need it the most. 

As told to Meg Fozzard

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