Milly Tuomey’s mother is set to mark her daughter’s 15th birthday by launching Ireland’s first peer-to-peer suicide bereavement support group.

Fiona Tuomey, from Templeogue, Dublin, chose Sunday to unveil the group she founded after Milly’s death by suicide at just 11-years-old.

The charity – Healing Untold Grief Groups (HUGG) – will be celebrated with an art exhibition and sale at St Andrew’s Resource Centre on Pearse Street, Dublin from 5pm.

“Milly was six weeks from her 12th birthday when she died,” Fiona said.

“It’s her 15th birthday on Sunday. I deliberately chose that day to launch HUGG, as we never celebrate her birthday but we do, as a family, try to remember the joy of the day she was born.

“Though it’s still another milestone Milly will miss, while her friends continue to make theirs.”

Fiona founded the group after she realised there was no peer-to-peer support available to her after the loss of her child. 

In the UK, in comparison, there’s a detailed help system for those dealing with the loss of someone who’s taken their life, but Ireland remains “lacking”.

The organisation is hoping to “fill some of the gaps” to support grieving families.

Not long after Milly’s death, defunct suicide bereavement charity Console, became embroiled in controversy and closed. 

This would have been one place families like the schoolgirl’s could have sought solace.

“Console could have helped,” Fiona said.  “One of the members in our group had been to the Console bereavement group and it really helped her, she stayed in touch informally with the group and they still get coffee every couple of months.

“It’s been a lifeline for her. But when I found there was nowhere to go, I felt I had to create somewhere.

“I don’t know what made me do it. I guess you don’t know what resilience you have ‘til something like this knocks at your door.

“I needed to help myself and if the thing I needed wasn’t there, I decided to build it, do it myself.”

• Read More: Comment: Why there can never be another Milly Tuomey

Fiona, who’s currently studying a Masters Degree in loss and bereavement, said being part of a support group means there are “people who keep you going.”

“You send them a message, meet them for coffee, they understand what you’re going through like no one else,” she added.

“You don’t need many words, as people already know, you talk about coping mechanisms.”

Being part of a group has given Fiona strength.  But she feels the health system is still a “maze” and anyone in the “same situation as Milly today or tomorrow, will face the same obstacles.”

She feels the system must be streamlined, waiting times cut while families should be directed immediately to the correct medical professional.

The mother insists all GPs should be trained on how to assess and support those suffering suicidal ideation. 

She stated some GPs who’ve been in practice for some time, can either opt in or out of this training and that’s not suitable.

“You have to wait for help, it’s a postcode lottery,” Fiona said. “And then roll the dice to see if the person helping has the right qualification.

“It’s a case of cross our fingers and hope help comes in time.

“She should be here today, our beautiful, intelligent, girl, a force of nature, with so much going for her.

“Milly wasn’t tragic. She was really funny, a great mimic, bright as a button, loud and she loved life and her sister, Daisy. She adored her friends, music and playing piano.

“We, as her parents, were introduced as the mother and father of Milly and Daisy.

“This country has lost out by losing her, my family has lost. The damage suicide does is mind blowing. It changes your life completely but you have to accept a new life, to rebuild your family.”

Over 110 pieces of art including fine art etchings, paintings, sculptures and photographsfor the event have been donated by artists and the exhibition has been arranged by artist and HUGG member Nicola Morrin.

Donating artists include Una Sealy RHA, Stephen Lawlor, Bob Lynn, Jean Bardon, Seamus O’Byrne, Catherine Greene and Students and Graduates of NCAD.

For more information log onto www.hugg.ie

• If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this article please contact Samaritans helpline 116 123 or Aware helpline 1800 80 48 48 or Pieta House on 1800 247 247.

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