Tuesday, 19 Mar 2024

'Our brave little girl Emmeline, she was so very loved'

Emmeline Wahmay Holland closed her eyes in Crumlin Children’s Hospital for the final time shortly after 9pm on May 18 last year, just one day short of being six months old.

She died peacefully in the arms of her heartbroken mother, Lanlih Keane, while her father, Munster and Ireland rugby player Billy Holland, embraced his wife and fought back tears.

Family and friends had rushed to be by their side as Emmeline, who had battled long, began to lose her tenacious grasp on life – just as it seemed she would be able to go through the surgical procedures vital to her survival.

For the heartbroken young couple, it was the end of a roller- coaster 10 months which had seen despair replaced by hope and then the awful realisation that they would have to endure the worst nightmare for any parent – the loss of their adored child.

Billy admitted there were days when he wanted to quit rugby and spend every waking moment with Lanlih and Emmeline – on occasion driving at 5am from Crumlin Children’s Hospital to Munster training in Limerick, only to have to pull over on the Dublin-Limerick motorway to cry as emotion got the better of him.

For weeks, he had lived in the Ronald McDonald House to be close to Lanlih and their little girl. Yet from the pain of losing their beloved little girl, the couple – sweethearts from their days studying at UCC – have forged a determination to help other parents facing similar grief.

Billy and Lanlih spoke to the Sunday Independent about the heartbreak of losing little Emmeline, their first born, as they seek to raise funds for Crumlin Children’s Hospital, the Ronald McDonald House charity and the Cork University Hospital (CUH) Children’s Unit.

“We didn’t want people to think of Emmeline as a very sick little girl, even though she was facing multiple complex medical problems,” Billy said.

“She was such a brave little girl. That is why we have adopted the social media hashtag ‘BraveLikeEmmeline’ for the fundraising we are now doing in her memory for all the hospitals and charities that gave us so much help.”

For Lanlih, remembering precisely who Emmeline was is vital.

“She was such a wonderful little girl,” she said. “She was always smiling, always happy, no matter the number of medical procedures she had to go through, no matter the number of needles and tubes she had to endure.

“It was absolutely devastating losing her. She passed away just when it seemed as if she was getting stronger, getting bigger and being able to undergo the heart procedures and surgeries that she needed.”

Lanlih and Billy met at UCC in 2007 and were married in 2017 in Dingle. They were thrilled to discover they were expecting their first child the following year.

“Around the time of my 20-week scan, the doctors knew that something was wrong,” Lanlih said. “The baby was very small and they realised something wasn’t right.”

Lanlih was referred from Cork University Maternity Hospital to the Coombe in Dublin, and the couple were advised to brace themselves for the worst.

When Emmeline was born she was bigger than expected and worry slowly changed to hope. “She was 5lb 11oz, which was quite a good weight,” said Lanlih, “and we were taking it a day at a time.”

Emmeline’s initial progress was better than anticipated. Her parents even began to dream about being able to take her back to their Cork home and spend their first Christmas as a family.

Billy recalled the devastation when doctors told them in December that the prognosis for Emmeline had become increasingly complex.

“We were sat down and told, ‘Sorry, but the tests have shown that Emmeline may not survive long’,” he said.

Doctors warned the couple their little girl faced a lot of complex medical issues. Eventually, months later, Emmeline was diagnosed as having the rare genetic disorder Rubinstein-Taybi syndrome.

That December was the darkest time of the couple’s young lives.

Billy said: “I seriously thought about quitting rugby. I had told my Munster teammates and coach Johann van Graan about Emmeline and how ill she was. Johann was absolutely fantastic. He told me to take all the time I needed.

“But Lanlih encouraged me to keep playing. We needed the time, space and privacy to deal with Emmeline’s health away from any understandable queries as to why I had suddenly stopped playing. The reality was that while we were in Dublin all the time with Emmeline, we also still needed an income as a family. Though that was very much secondary to ensuring my family had the time and space to deal with Emmeline’s health issues, I also knew if I stopped playing rugby then that would likely be the end of my career given my age.

“But it was tough… There’s also no doubt that it affected me on the pitch at the time.”

From the depths of despair, Emmeline defied medical predictions and slowly began to gain weight and strength. Lanlih drew inspiration from the courage and unfailing happiness of her little girl.

“I made the decision that I would do everything I could to make each day as happy as possible for Emmeline and not worry about how many days she might have,” she said. “I wanted her to feel loved, to feel happy and to feel her family were with her through it all.”

From February to April 2019, the couple did their best to develop a routine that parents of healthy children take for granted – a walk, a stop for coffee or even a shopping trip.

“The difference for us was that when Emmeline was healthy enough to leave Crumlin for a short stroll we went for the walk equipped with oxygen bottles and special monitors,” said Lanlih. “One day, we walked from the hospital to a coffee shop and then went in to Aldi to buy nappies and other supplies. On the way back, Billy asked me what was my best day and I told him it was that day – the three of us going for a walk, a coffee and shopping in Aldi.”

Emmeline’s courage and personality inspired her parents. “I saw the courage that she was showing every single day – the way she would smile or laugh up at us after going through yet another bout of medical tests or treatments,” said Billy.

“I thought to myself, ‘If my daughter is being brave then I should be the same’. Over those few months I think I played some of the best rugby of my entire career – all inspired by Emmeline.”

Incredibly, by late April Emmeline’s progress was such that surgeons were able to consider repairing a hole in her heart.

“The procedure is so long and so demanding that a child has to be a certain weight and strength,” said Lanlih. “Emmeline had been too small to undergo the procedure but now she was ready for it.”

All went well in Crumlin Children’s Hospital and Emmeline was just 48 hours from being discharged when her condition suddenly began to falter.

“She was in the intensive care unit and they just couldn’t figure out what the problem was,” said Lanlih.

Despite desperate efforts by doctors, Emmeline’s condition continued to decline.

On May 17, doctors broke the news that Billy and Lanlih had feared for so long.

“They told us that Emmeline was not going to survive,” said Billy. “So we contacted our families and they rushed to Dublin to be with us and with Emmeline. My brother flew back from Canada. Emmeline passed away in Lanlih’s arms shortly after 9pm on May 18.

“There are no words to describe what it is like. Only a parent who has lost a child can understand it. It is something that you try to prepare yourself for but at the same time you are convincing yourself that it simply won’t happen – Emmeline had proved the doctors wrong before, she would prove them wrong again.”

For Lanlih, the priority was that everyone should understand just what a special girl Emmeline had been in her short life. She found the strength to write a eulogy and deliver it to mourners gathered to support her family at St Joseph’s SMA Church in Blackrock where the Mass of the Angels was celebrated.

“I couldn’t believe where Lanlih found the strength to deliver that beautiful eulogy,” said Billy. “It was absolutely incredible. We wanted everyone to know what a happy and brave little girl she was and that she was so very loved.”

Last summer, Lanlih discovered she was pregnant again. “We both said that it was our little gift from Emmeline,” said Billy. “She would give us her little baby brother or sister to love – and we would tell them all about her as they grew up.”

Lanlih loves talking about Emmeline. “Some people are very hesitant to mention Emmeline or refer to her because, I suppose, they are worried about upsetting us,” she said. “It is perfectly understandable. But we love talking about her – we sit here sometimes at night, watching TV and chatting about Emmeline, how she was always smiling or the funny faces she would sometimes make.

“That’s why we wanted Emmeline’s legacy to be help and recognition for the people who do such incredible work in Irish hospitals helping people when they are at their very lowest in life,” she said. “They go so far beyond the call of duty to help people. I don’t know what we would have done without the nurses, doctors and staff at CUH or Crumlin, not to mention the Ronald McDonald House.”

In just a few short days, the ‘BraveLikeEmmeline’ fund has already raised €340,000.

To raise even more funds for their chosen charities, Billy and Lanlih are organising an auction of rugby memorabilia – ranging from the match ball from Soldier Field in Chicago where Ireland defeated the All Blacks for the first time, to signed jerseys. A charity golf event in Adare, Co Limerick, has already sold out.

You can donate to Billy and Lanlih’s ‘BraveLikeEmmeline’ fund at www.gofundme.com/f/emmelineholland

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