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A desperate Mumsnet user has asked for advice after getting in a fight with her family over her brother’s upcoming nuptials. The user’s dilemma began when she declined her brother’s wedding invitation in favour of her friend’s one on the same date.

Taking to parenting website Mumsnet, she wrote: “Both weddings are next year on the same date. I was asked to be a bridesmaid at my friend’s wedding and my daughter to be a flower girl last year after the third lockdown.

“My daughter is excited, keeps telling everyone she’s going to be a flower girl. The friend is like a sister to me, we’re always helping each other out and she’s even introduced me to people as her other sister. She only has one flower girl and two bridesmaids so it will be noticeable if we’re not there.”

She continued: “My brother got engaged last week and told me the date of the wedding this morning, and it’s the same date as my friend’s. I’ve told him I can’t make that date due to my friend’s wedding, the date has been on the shared family calendar since last year when we were asked.

“We’re not part of the wedding party at all for my brother but obviously my parents, grandparents and other family will be there and notice if we’re not. My brother’s told me he takes priority and I have to tell my friend we can no longer do her wedding.

“My parents have got involved and told me that I absolutely have to be at my brother’s wedding and they will ‘never forgive me’ or help me out with childcare again if I don’t go. Am I being unreasonable to choose my friend over my brother? Even though I will likely lose my entire family because of it?”

Parents quickly flooded the comments with their opinions but they were divided, MyLondon reports. Some argued that the mum should put her family first.

One said: “Go to your brother’s wedding” while another added: “I’d go to my brother’s over a friend. Family first.” A third person chimed in: “Of course you go to your brother’s wedding, I am slightly aghast you have even considered otherwise. Not ideal for him to have booked it on the same date as your friend’s but there you go.”

But most thought the mum should honour her commitment to her friend. One said: “It doesn’t sound like plans have even started for your brother’s wedding so why can’t he move the date? If he wanted you there so badly he’d look at trying to work around your friend’s wedding. I know family is important but you’re committed to your friend’s wedding and you’re in the wedding party.”

Another wrote: “If he wanted you there he would have checked the dates with you. I checked with mine and my husband’s family and the wedding parties before booking a wedding date.”

And one asked: “Why can’t your brother change the date? He only got engaged last week so can’t have booked anything. We coordinated our wedding date with another couple who had a lot of the same friends so people would be able to go to both.”

After some time, the mum provided an update. She said: “It’s not a big fancy wedding they just want to be married, my parents and hers are trying to make it into something it’s not. My brother panicked a bit because he was going to ask me to be his witness as he was mine and he did what he does when he panics and shouts and demands.”

She said he suffers from an anxiety disorder and added “apparently once he calmed down he wanted to apologise but was worried I’d be annoyed with him so put it off and put it off”.

She added: “I said I wanted to be there, would love to witness and my daughter would not want to miss out either even though she’s not part of the wedding party she’ll love wearing a pretty dress or suit and watch them say I do. I offered to help look for a date that everyone who needs to be there can do and to pay any lost deposits, apparently, the only thing they’ve lost is the deposit for the venue which was only £50.

“I’ve spoken to my mum and she said she didn’t mean to threaten no childcare, she just wants both her children together for the day as she knows we’re close and get on well. She’s said sorry.

“My dad I am leaving, as I know if I end up arguing with him he will cut me off like he did his siblings, so I am leaving it. Off to call the Venue now on my soon-to-be sister-in-law’s behalf to explain.”

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