Mum gets ‘unanimous no’ over plan to go away weeks after baby’s birth
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An expectant mother was told a “unanimous no” by other parents after she suggested taking her husband on holiday without their baby – two weeks after the child is born.
The response left the woman questioning why it is accepted for dads go back to work soon after the birth of their children and it is “so much harder for mums to leave their babies”.
She had asked for advice on parenting forum Mumsnet, with a post detailing her plans to treat her spouse to two nights in Paris for his 40th birthday.
A string of comments urged the mum to rethink, including one post which said: “I think you should just wait until the baby comes and then see how you feel rather than overthinking everything now.”
Statutory Maternity Pay (SMP) is paid for up to 39 weeks while dads get maximum two weeks statutory leave after birth, Nottinghamshire Live reports.
With this in mind, the mum posted on Mumsnet: “My husband has to go back to work for long days two weeks after our baby is born. It may involve some overnight stays sometimes.
“No-one will bat an eyelid at this and obviously my husband will miss us but it’s not a big deal. My friend’s partner had to work away for three weeks at a time when their baby was born and again, that’s just his job.
“Why is it so much harder for mums to leave the babies? My baby won’t be breastfed and when my husband is here he will do more than his fair share. He is ecstatic about becoming a dad and I know he will love our baby more than anything.
“But why am I told that I won’t be ready and desperately won’t want to leave them for a night or two? Hope the question makes sense, I wonder what the difference seems to be between mums and dads and the attachment to their babies.”
Another parent replied: “Bonding question aside, you are talking about two different kinds of overnight trips. Birthday/hen do trips are optional, work trips usually are not. Of course you are going to get different feelings about whether you should go or not.
“The comparator would be whether mothers who go back to work after a short maternity leave go on overnight work trips – and yes, of course they do if it’s a requirement of their job.”
Someone else said: “No, mums are not closer than dads to their babies unless the mum and dad have made it that way by their actions from birth onwards.
“The problem is this societal message of a mystic mother and baby bond and the old patriarchal trope that mum knows baby best. The pressure on mums to be 24/7 with their newborn is immense. And then if you do this, every day you are not handing baby off for equal time with dad is a day you are making this into a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
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