‘A year after adoption, our son has just blended into our family. It’s like he has always been here.’

With more than 2,100 children waiting to be adopted right now, new adoptive mum Molly, 27, has spoken out about the emotional rollercoaster that is bringing a non-biological child into a family, in a bid to raise more awareness of the process.

It comes as new research this week has revealed that although almost half of people believe adoption is more socially acceptable than it was 10 years ago – more than a third admit they still find it difficult to talk about.

Speaking exclusively to Metro.co.uk as part of National Adoption Week, Molly explained that she and husband Sam, also 27, first started looking seriously into adoption when their biological daughter, now 5, expressed interest in having a sibling.

‘I had several miscarriages before having her and these were really emotionally scarring,’ she said.

‘Nothing about pregnancy was positive for me and I dreaded the thought of having to do it again to welcome a sibling for my daughter. Pregnancy just wasn’t a positive experience or option for us.’

Molly said going to an adoption information evening was like a ‘weight lifted’ for the couple and said they ‘knew they were meant to adopt’.

‘It wasn’t a last resort, and was very much a conscious decision to parent and bring another child into our family,’ she added.

The survey of more than 2,000 people, carried out by the National Adoption Recruitment Steering Group, also found one in five adults would consider adopting in the future.

Yet although 40,920 adoptions have taken place in England over the last 10 years, some 80% of adults don’t fully understand the processes involved.

Additionally, 94% of people involved in the adoption community, like parents and social workers, believe there are still challenges to overcome – such as working to acknowledge the birth family, heritage and culture of the adopted child.

However, with so many children desperately waiting for a forever home, Molly feels it’s important these issues are tackled.

The early years worker added that she hopes by sharing her story, it will help people learn about how adoption takes place and break down any stigma surrounding it.

With the UK adoption process usually taking around six months or more and including two stages, Molly explained the initial part includes a lot of admin – form filling, finance checks, house checks, references and training – and takes about two months.

The second stage, which can take roughly four months but is different for everyone, is the assessment part, she said, where a social worker visits weekly and asks the prospective parent or parents various questions about their lives.

A ‘prospective adopter’s report’ is then submitted to a panel, which decides whether to approve them to go ahead with an adoption.

Molly and husband Sam, who works in education, had their application approved in May 2020 and matched with their adoptive son, now 3, six weeks later.

She said: ‘The process is really intense and can be tough at times. It’s easy to feel like you are jumping through hoops that you wouldn’t have to jump through if you were to have biological children.

‘A lot of your past is explored – the good and bad points. This can bring up a lot of recurrent grief or negative feelings, but it’s really important that these are explored so your adoption social worker can build a really accurate picture of who you are.’

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It was during the height of a coronavirus lockdown, when Molly and Sam’s son moved to their home in Yorkshire and the Humber, which she admitted meant their experience was perhaps not typical of an adoption.

But Molly added it gave them the opportunity ‘to really get to know our little boy and for him to adjust to his new home and family’ with support from the adoption agency and social workers.

‘It took some time for our son to feel comfortable,’ she explained. ‘This was only one of many huge life changes for him, so it was only natural for him to be unsettled, anxious and internally really confused and scared.

‘We didn’t rush things and used all of the knowledge we learnt in our adoption training.

‘We really focused on building an attachment with him which meant lots of skin to skin, if he was comfortable with that, activities that encouraged eye contact and constant reassurance and settling.

‘We were exhausted, but it was so worth it because he seemed to feel more comfortable as the weeks went on.’

Molly described her relationship with her son ‘so special’ and stressed it ‘differs in no way’ from that of her biological child ‘in terms of the amount of love I have for him’.

She said: ‘My bond with my daughter was very natural but my son’s bond and attachment took so much hard work from both me and him that I am just truly in awe of him and his bravery and am really proud of us.

‘My son is very much attached to us a year later. We’ve had some bumps in the road which is expected since he has been through the trauma of adoption and so many huge life changes in the first year of his life.’

When asked what advice she would give to people looking to adopt, Molly said: ‘Find out as much information as you can and take the leap.’

She advised visiting three different information events as a minimum and ‘trust your gut’ on how prospective adopters feel around the social workers before deciding on which agency or authority to use.

She added: ‘Don’t be afraid to ask difficult questions – it’s really crucial you know the hard-hitting information because the process involves being exposed to some information and real-life stories that can be heartbreaking to process.

‘If you do think you have the home and the heart to adopt, my advice would be to go for it.

‘There are so many children who are desperately needing families and they all deserve a safe and loving home to be raised in.’

October 18 to 23 marks National Adoption Week, a campaign which aims to highlight and champion all aspects of adoption.

*Fuller details have been omitted from this story for safeguarding reasons.

Get in touch with our news team by emailing us at [email protected].

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Adoption Month

Adoption Month is a month-long series covering all aspects of adoption.

For the next four weeks, which includes National Adoption Week from October 14-19, we will be speaking to people who have been affected by adoption in some way, from those who chose to welcome someone else’s child into their family to others who were that child.

We’ll also be talking to experts in the field and answering as many questions as possible associated with adoption, as well as offering invaluable advice along the way.

If you have a story to tell or want to share any of your own advice please do get in touch at [email protected].

• Why we’re talking about adoption this month
• How to adopt a child – from how long it takes to how you can prepare
• The most Googled questions on adoption, answered
• How long does it take to adopt a child in the UK
• Adoption myths that could be stopping you from starting a family
• How to tell your child they are adopted 

Visit our Adoption Month page for more.

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