CALLING all MPs – just get it done, you useless bastards.

The pantomime in the House of Commons has nothing to do with the daily lives of the British people.

17.4million of us voted to leave the European Union. 16million of us voted to stay. Not one of us voted for the paralysis of our great country.

You — our clueless elected representatives — have created this purgatory.

You — the most pathetic shower of MPs in British history — have contrived to bring about this national humiliation.

Prime Minister David Cameron looked us in the eye and told us the people’s decision was final.

Every Labour and Conservative Party MP stood on a manifesto that promised to honour the vote of the EU referendum.

MPs — this pitiful Parliament of pygmies, this reeking sewer of self-serving mediocrities, this house of preening fools who seem to believe they are our masters and not our servants — enshrined our exit from the EU in law.

To keep us in the European Union now would be a travesty

Was it all a pack of lies?

For the sake of British democracy — and for the sake of the dwindling reputations of our MPs — I truly hope not.

What are you waiting for? You — our MPs — are turning the greatest nation in the world into an international laughing stock. You are crippling our economy.

Do you understand how angry we are with you?

To keep us in the European Union now would be a travesty.

It would be a denial of the democracy that better men and women than you fought and died for. It would be the final betrayal of the British people.

SO GET IT DONE!

Perhaps it is already too late. Perhaps the pro-Brussels majority in Parliament — so obscenely out of step with the people they are elected to represent — have already ensured the greatest national humiliation in our history.

The only hope now is that Theresa May’s deal gets out of its sickbed

How tragic that a nation that has not been invaded for a thousand years should be so pathetically eager to act like a defeated and occupied country, anxious to appease its mighty conqueror.

The Luftwaffe could not bring this country to its knees.

The IRA could not do it.

Islamic terrorists could not do it.

Napoleon could not do it.

The Spanish Armada could not do it.

For centuries nobody could take away our freedom.

And in the end, it is being given to the EU by all those preening nonentities in the House of Commons.

I am sick of looking at them. I am sick of their total insulation from anything resembling the real world, where men and women struggle and work and raise their children and worry about paying the bills.

Parliament has failed our people.

BACK THE PRIME MINISTER'S DEAL

The only hope now is that Theresa May’s deal gets out of its sickbed — or is that a deathbed? — and MPs finally back it when it is presented to the House of Commons for a third time on Tuesday.

The only alternative is our great country meekly grovelling back to Brussels to bleat: “Please, monsieur, may we stay after all?”

And if that happens, I swear to God our MPs will never be forgiven.

If MPs kill Brexit now, to the British people they will all be exactly the same — pampered, self-serving, anti-democratic toffs who should not be trusted to run a whelk stall, let alone a country. The lot of them.

Do the DUP really want IRA boot-lickers Jeremy Corbyn and John McDonnell in Downing Street?

Do Jacob Rees-Mogg and the European Research Group really want to see Brexit perish?

Do decent Labour MPs really want to play Judas to the British working class?

Then back the Prime Minister’s deal and . . .

GET THIS BLOODY THING DONE!

Scrubs up well

KATE BECKINSALE had a rare moment of self-doubt this week when she sighed that she was ageing “like a horrible fossil”.

The very next day Beckinsale bounced back and took a selfie at home,  joshing that she was doing “a brief stint as bathroom attendant”.

Let’s hope the room scrubs up as well as our Kate.

Jacko's a traffic offence

MICHAEL JACKSON’s face stares down from the side of London buses, in ads proclaiming that it was all perfectly innocent when Jacko took children to his bed.

“FACTS DON’T LIE – PEOPLE DO,” they proclaim, next to an image of Michael in his Thriller prime with “INNOCENT” plastered across his mouth.

The ads have been paid for by a fund started by Seany O’Kane, who loves Jacko so much he once travelled to California to watch him being acquitted of child abuse charges. Not my idea of a mini-break!

O’Kane’s initial target of £20,000 has already been exceeded and has been increased to £30,000.

Transport for London at first said the ads comply with their policy. Then they quite rightly banned them because of “public concern” over Leaving Neverland, the explosive four-hour documentary that went into forensic detail about Michael Jackson’s alleged grooming and abuse of two children.

It was horribly convincing stuff. But since Leaving Neverland aired, many people have told me it is all a pack of lies.

They all love Jackson’s music. And not one of them actually watched it.

[boxout featured-image="8653368" intro="THE Sun called Speaker John Bercow “an odious slug” because he is so obviously a grovelling servant of Brussels when he should be a beacon of fair play in the House of Commons."]But comparing the diddling Diddy Man to an odious slug is a bit harsh.
On odious slugs.[/boxout]

Conor's rap is a wake-up

CONOR McGREGOR’s last two fights were both excellent cures for insomnia.

McGregor meekly tapped out to Khabib Nurmagomedov in a one-sided UFC snooze-fest and was stopped by Floyd Mayweather in a pathetic excuse for a boxing match.

Now, after trashing a fan’s phone, McGregor is under arrest in the US charged with strong-armed robbery and misdemeanour criminal mischief. “I looked into his face and his eyes were bulging,” said Ahmed Abdirzak, 22. “He was so angry.”

If only Conor’s fights had that much action . . .

AFTER his tragically early death at the age of 49, there is talk about erecting a statue to Keith Flint of The Prodigy, in his hometown of Braintree, Essex.

Bad idea. Statues to contemporary celebrities always end in tears.

Often – as with the statue of Cristiano Ronaldo in Madeira, Portugal – these are tears of mirth. James Corden recently pranked David Beckham with a spoof statue. And it was funny because it was easy to believe some ham-fisted sculptor could have got Beckham so laughably wrong.

It looked nothing like Becks. But it did resemble James Corden after losing ten kilos and a few teeth.

John's a rotten Royalist

EYEBROWS are raised that John Lydon, formerly known as Johnny Rotten, has refused to allow Netflix drama The Crown to use the Sex Pistols’ God Save The Queen.

The Crown’s third series has reached 1977, the year that all those naughty punk rockers were a thorn – or poison-tipped safety pin – in the side of the Queen’s Silver Jubilee celebrations.

Like many an ageing punk, John’s old anarchist leanings have been replaced by a soft spot for the Royal Family.

One insider says: “Last year he was saying how he’d ‘sorely miss’ the Queen after her death and praised all the pageantry that comes with a royal family.”

Is it really so strange that John has become a monarchist in his old age? It has been a very long time since he could fit into a slim-cut pair of bondage trousers.

It would be odd if he was still ranting about the Royal Family.

And John shouldn’t worry too much about coping with life after the Queen.

How to put this politely? Her Majesty might be 93 next month but she still looks a lot healthier than the former Johnny Rotten does at 63.

THE mass murder in New Zealand is unprecedented in that peaceful, beautiful land but is horribly familiar to those of us in the West.

We have seen exactly the same slaughter from a neo-Nazi terrorist in Norway – another peaceful, beautiful land. And we have seen exactly the same slaughter by Islamic terrorists in numerous European countries.
The only lesson to learn is this – hatred breeds more hatred and it always will.
We either learn to get along together or we learn to die together.

Snoop has last laugh

MILLIONS have watched CCTV footage of Snoop the Staffordshire bull terrier being dumped by the side of the road in Stoke last December.

Snoop repeatedly attempted to get back into the car of the man who was abandoning him. Because dogs love their owners even when they do not remotely deserve that love.

Thousands of dog lovers, including rap star Snoop Dogg, offered to give Snoop a new home.

He has now been rehoused with Laurence Squire in Herefordshire, whose previous Staffie died a month before Snoop was dumped.

Snoop now wears a big grin on his face.

And I guarantee he will have a far happier life than the creep who dumped him.

I WAS once on a flight from Tokyo to London where some moron was wearing a T-shirt inviting, “Suck my c***.”

Now that was offensive. British Airways staff told the idiot to turn his shirt inside out or get off the plane.

The moron meekly turned his T-shirt inside out.

But I can’t see anything wrong with the crop top worn by Emily O’Connor on a flight to Tenerife.

Thomas Cook flight attendants told Emily to cover her brazen body or get chucked off the flight.

But Emily did not look even remotely offensive.

She looked like a free, fit young western woman going to have some fun in the sun with her mates.

And she was flying to Spain.

Not Saudi Arabia.

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