JAN MOIR: If social media is really as addictive for kids as drugs, Prince Harry, why not tell that to your 3.6 million Instagram followers?

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Hey kids. So what’s the narrative on the Harry-Meghan axis? The theme, the zeitgeisty gist, the Major Issue that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are tackling next?

Hang on to your mouse mat, because the royal Batman and his feisty Robinette are fighting the big one this week; the evils of the internet.

‘Growing up in today’s world, social media is more addictive than drugs and alcohol,’ said Prince Harry on Wednesday, with his usual flair for talking urgent nonsense.

It was a particularly ridiculous thing to say, given that the Sussexes have just launched their own social media account on Instagram, which has already attracted 3.6 million followers and counting. ‘It’s not hypocritical,’ insisted their official spokesman, but many of us would beg to differ.

Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex visited the YMCA South Ealing, where he spoke about the effects of social media on mental health

Increasingly, he seems to think there is one set of rules for him and his wife, while everyone else must abide by a completely different moral code. More stringent for a start. Let them eat Meghan’s special recipe austerity soup, they silently cry, while we live like well, royalty, amid the lush and plush of our Soho House set.

In the past, Harry has shot water buffalo, game birds and other hapless critters while campaigning for animal conservationism. Yet we have forgiven him for most of his youthful idiocies.

• Harry and Meghan officially move into new Windsor home: Duke… Social media is more addictive than drugs and alcohol – and…

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Recently and more damningly, he encouraged youngsters to act on climate change and environmental issues, while he and Meghan fly around in private jets and helicopters should the opportunity arise.

And now this. At a YMCA centre in West London promoting the Heads Together mental health charity, the Prince claimed online games such as Fortnite were more addictive than booze or drugs.

The Sussexes have just launched their own social media account on Instagram, which has already attracted 3.6 million followers and counting

It is true that the violent natures of such games are reprehensible, but his theory doesn’t even make sense. To an addict, a substance or a habit is either addictive or it is not.

You’d think someone who is always banging on about eradicating public stigma over mental health issues (What stigma, I always ask myself?) would know that, but there is never any joined up thinking where Prince Harry is concerned. He says it, therefore it is.

According to Harry this week, we are in an exciting time, but we are also in a mind-altering time.

We are in good times, but we are also in bad times. We are up and we are down. That is because we are a royal mass of contradictions, aren’t we? ‘Kids need a human connection,’ he said, digging out his prompt sheet, which was surely handwritten in beautiful flowing calligraphy and scented with crushed macaroons.

Instagram is now the go-to for lovely, exclusive pictures of Meghan and Harry doing their good deeds

For when Harry speaks these days, all I hear is the avocado mulch of Meghan’s impeccable socially liberal concerns, filtered through the obliging vassal of her husband.

The concern this week seems to be in urging parents to get children off social media where they might be bullied or have issues. Yet it didn’t seem to cross his princely mind that the place where they have most issues is on Instagram, where his new Sussexroyal account is attracting much attention.

Instagram is a photo-based platform associated with high levels of anxiety, depression and bullying in the young. It is infamous for fostering feelings of inadequacy and depression in millions of kids.

A survey by the Royal Society for Public Health (ironic) found it had the worst scores of all social media platforms when it came to body image and anxiety, especially among girls.

In its way, it probably does as much damage as Fortnite, but who cares? Certainly not Prince H. For Instagram is now the go-to for lovely, exclusive pictures of Meghan and Harry doing their good deeds; a safe space (for them) which is free from criticism or wry judgments about their ocean-going insincerity.

 Harry and Meghan fly around in private jets and helicopters, and could chart their trips on their new Instagram

With all this, plus his dutiful trips to a herbal wellness centre and his exhortations to millennials to find their true north star, Prince Harry is fast becoming the woke dope royal — and I rather wish he was not.

Behind the scenes he still leads a life of unthinkable luxury and entitlement. Yet in public he wants to sound good, he wants to do good and he wants to look good.

They may see themselves as caped crusaders, but people would love Harry and Meghan more if they set an example, rather than just kept telling us all what we should be doing and feeling and thinking.

The problem with Prince Harry is that he has become more Soho House than House of Windsor, and that is not good.

No man has a right to sex

Just when you thought we’d left Gilead and the Handmaid’s Tale for good, a judge has spoken out about the ‘fundamental human right’ of a man to have sex with his wife.

The remark was made by Mr Justice Hayden, who has been asked to consider imposing a court order preventing a man from having sex with his wife of 20 years because she may no longer be able to give her consent.

Local social services believe the woman, who has learning difficulties, may lack the mental capacity to make her own decision.

Lawyers have suggested that a judge might have to bar the husband from continuing to have sex with his wife in order to ensure that the woman is not raped. He has offered to give an undertaking not to have sex with his wife.

‘I cannot think of any more obviously fundamental human right than the right of a man to have sex with his wife — and the right of the state to monitor that,’ he said. ‘I think he is entitled to have it properly argued.’

It is a sad and complicated case. However, I do hope we have reached a point in this country where no man has a legal right to insist upon sex — with his wife or any other woman.

 The Daily Mail has long been campaigning for regulators to have a close look at sharp practices in the funeral industry. Now the Competition and Markets Authority (CMA) are on the case. Good.

The thought that the bereaved are regularly being ripped off is too much to bear, especially when they are at their most vulnerable and racked by grief. Not all funeral directors are charlatans, but the CMA has already warned rogue firms who may be taking advantage of distressed customers that they are on notice. Meanwhile, the rising costs of funerals — about £4,000 on average — causes some families real hardship.

Is that because of keen pricing in the funeral industry? Or is the me-generation pushing funerals down the same route as weddings — into an unaffordable extravagance when something simpler would do?

I adore Aintree’s exuberant fillies 

It is Ladies Day at Aintree today, which made yesterday The Day Before Ladies Day, but it was still a fashion eye-opener.

Some like to mock these peacocking racegoers, but I absolutely love these women. They look like they are having a ball, which in these ghastly times is a tiny triumph of its own.

Yes, some of the outfits are side-splitting — literally. Yet there is something about the cheery ostentation that is just so uplifting.

And also the hope over experience that is so killing. Look at these women!

They have planned a sunny weather wardrobe, but were greeted with freezing spring temperatures. Yet there were no cosy cardigans nor comfortable footwear in this exotic paddock of pain. The only ladies I saw wearing smart suits and hats with a darling chequered trim were called policewomen.

Each year Aintree officials say they are going to impose a more demure dress code but, thank goodness, they never do. Ra-ra skirts, plunge front dresses, nightclub curves plus racy underwear? All present and correct. And they’re off!

J.K. Rowling has won her case against the personal assistant who fraudulently obtained £18,734 from her accounts.

Amanda Donaldson spent the money on toiletries, coffees from Costa and Cafe Nero and stationery from Paper Tiger. She also took nearly £8,000 in foreign currency and £2,000 in cash.

Considering that Rowling is worth over £500 million, her thievery was meek, unimaginative — and crushingly sad.

J.K. Rowling had every right to drag her through the courts, but one wonders why she didn’t report it to the police instead.

The publicity that has resulted means that Miss Donaldson’s life and career prospects are in ruins.

Yet she must blame herself for that — and not her merciless employer.

Spare us the shades of grey 

Forget the pink and the blue and the colourful mobiles, grey is now the most popular colour in baby nursery home decor. What more proof do you need that it’s all about the selfish parents, not about the welfare of the little children?

Poor little grubs, growing up in a monochrome prison of dreary asphalt and elephant paint shades.

Their little buggy eyes must yearn for something bright to alight upon, but they have to realise mummy and daddy’s good taste must come first.

John Lewis has reported that the paint trends for the nursery of 2019 finds parents opting for neutral shades in grey and cream. Naturally, Harry and Meghan (them again) are bang on trend.

They are using expensive Auro paints to decorate the nursery at Frogmore. A ten-litre pot of the German brand paint costs £120 — several times the price of Dulux. However, it doesn’t smell, isn’t toxic and it breaks down pollutants, too.

Even the names of the colours are marvellous. Have the royals gone for Wood Spurge, Constance Spry, Meconopsis or Yorkshire Fog Grass? How about Mind Your Own Business? Not being rude, it’s another paint name, for a lovely pastel brown.

Will Barbara be a born again star? 

Before there was Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper, there was Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson.

They starred in the 1976 version of A Star Is Born, which was also a huge hit. In that version, Esther (Barbra) told self-destructive John (Kris) that: ‘You can trash your own life, but you are not going to trash mine.’

In similar scenes, a rather more conciliatory Ally (Gaga) told Jack (Bradley): ‘Next time you can clean up your own mess.’ Do we live in kinder times? And is a resurrection planned?

Under a photo of her and Kris, Barbra told fans to ‘stay tuned.’ Like a rose under the April snow, she was always certain that love would grow. Is it about to bloom again?

Be still my hopeful heart.

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