Months of COVID-enforced phone calls, Zooming and virtual meetings have proved fruitless in the search for a Brexit trade deal.

So Boris Johnson now has to go to Brussels for a face-to-face showdown with his tormenters: European leaders who regard him with contempt for his role in Brexit.

The prime minister will travel to the city where he made his name as a journalist writing stories claiming the European Union wanted to ban prawn cocktail crisps, bent bananas and curved cucumbers.

Many Brussels veterans still remember the current prime minister as the enfant terrible of The Daily Telegraph who once claimed Brussels wanted to harmonise the size of condoms throughout Europe.

Angela Merkel, the most powerful leader in Europe, used to regard David Cameron as a “naughty nephew”. She is so similar to Theresa May in temperament that they once turned up at a summit in matching blue jackets.

But she doesn’t trust Boris Johnson and will probably never forgive him for Brexit. And she won’t take kindly if he turns up at the EU summit on Thursday pleading for a trade deal with the EU.

The veteran German chancellor’s disdain for the UK’s prime minister is nothing, however, compared with that of the French President Emmanuel Macron, who is largely responsible for the deadlock of the past few days.

President Macron, who normally has a good relationship with the EU’s chief Brexit negotiator, Michel Barnier, accused him of “going soft” in the talks and ordered him to table new demands on fishing.

So the prime minister will be wary about talks with Europe’s most powerful leaders and he’ll no doubt fear his attempts to win over Ursula von der Leyen in two marathon phone calls are getting nowhere.

On Saturday, – with the prime minister dressed casually at Chequers – they spoke for an hour. This time – with the prime minister in a suit in Downing Street – it was 90 minutes. Still no agreement, though. Not even close.

By agreeing to go to Brussels, however, Mr Johnson isn’t yet giving up on a deal. Or so he’d have us believe. But the reception he’ll get there will be far from cordial. So let’s not hold our breath.

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