To the Editor:

“Why ‘Lean In’? It’s Time for Men to ‘Lean Out,’” by Ruth Whippman (Sunday Review, Oct. 13), reminds me of the most typical trap in couples therapy, where one side sees its faults as primarily due to the flawed behavior of the other side.

While I wholeheartedly agree that there is a shortage of empathy and contrition in our culture today, I’m not so sure if it’s endemic only to men.

Moreover, I don’t know if focusing on a scathingly broad-brush indictment of men helps ease polarization between the sexes or provides enough dimension of how both sides truly hurt.

The trailblazing psychoanalyst Harry Stack Sullivan said, “We are all much more simply human than otherwise.” Wouldn’t it be lovely if men could be a part of this humanity, too, and join in a respectful conversation about how challenging it is for all to find balance in this noble task?

I vote for us all to summon the better angels of our nature and notice how we all can temporarily lose our way despite good intentions and in the face of the outrageous slings and arrows of life. Wouldn’t that be true empowerment for all?

Michael Alcee
Tarrytown, N.Y.
The writer is a clinical psychologist.

To the Editor:

Ruth Whippman contends that men need to be taught to be less assertive and more deferential. I found this argument troublesome in that it seems to confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness, critical distinctions too often misinterpreted.

Assertive behavior involves stating your opinions while still being respectful of others, while aggressive behavior involves attacking or ignoring the opinions of others in favor of one’s own.

Using these definitions, I would argue that the path to achieving true equality and understanding will require, in addition to needed institutional changes, both women and men aspiring to be more assertive, not less so.

Mary Ann Forgey
New York
The writer is a professor of social work at Fordham University.

To the Editor:

Dear Men:

Improve yourselves by taking on more female traits! If you need help with this, please read Ruth Whippman’s article for her shout-out on the “ubiquitous and corrosive gender hierarchy” in assigning traits with a cultural value, almost always based on a male standard.

As men, you could then enjoy being less threatened by emasculation as a “baseline terror.” Also, please add “kindness” to the list of female traits you could learn. Can you practice this in front of the mirror?

Linda Stein
New York
The writer is founding president of Have Art: Will Travel, a nonprofit working for gender justice in the arts.

To the Editor:

Absolutely there is entrenched institutional and societal bias against women, but I have also observed something else.

In addition to the very real glass ceiling, there is also what I call the “lip gloss ceiling”: female behaviors and habits that add to our limitations in the workplace. They often include less than confident communication, discomfort with self-promotion and perfectionism.

While I agree that everyone would benefit if men were offered professional development to demonstrate a more sensitive and inclusive style, most organizations are male-established, male-led and male-modeled. That platform may have to wait until more women are in leadership roles, and more modern millennials assume the majority of management.

I stand ready for active duty when that time comes.

Raleigh Mayer
New York
The writer consults with companies on leadership and diversity issues.

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