We all have our own troubles. Leo and Micheál are battling away in the cage for the title of Taoiseach and me, well, all I’m worried about is dressing up like Dolly Parton.
I dressed as a woman once before and it was for a panto. It’s not easy being a woman, what with all the underwear and the hair, the nails, the make-up and the glass ceilings.
In my view the padded bra is far more comfortable than the wire bra.
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That wire bra would cut the shoulders off you. Now I know what Matt Talbot went through. Matt wore chains that bit into him. By all accounts he was making up for his sins.
Some of our politicians would be torn to ribbons if they took up self- flagellation as an act of atonement. It’s far easier to go in to the confession box and say: “Bless me Father, for I have been fooling the people for years.”
Personally I like to self-confess. I don’t like anyone knowing my business. I say: “Bless me Billy, for I have sinned.” I reply: “I forgive you my child. Go on away with you and drink a few pints to cure yourself.”
Yes I am a sinner. I admit it freely.
TDs are also into selfless acts of self-forgiveness.
Their expenses could be a minefield of temptation for the unscrupulous, if such existed. They get a fixed rate per night and there is no need to provide receipts like the rest of the people of Ireland. There’s a gain here, as regular guests usually get a preferential rate.
Some of the poorer TDs even have to opt for raffles.
Picture the scene: “And the winner of the hamper full of musty sell-by-date products is a mauve ticket serial number PQWERSDTVU 543217967532145673.”
It’s impossible to keep count of all the serial numbers. The winning ticket in some of these draws is often mauve or salmon.
I think it’s because no one knows what mauve looks like or what colour a salmon is and therefore no one will claim the prize.
A few years back a few of us put together a Guinness world record attempt to see if we could get the most people dressed up as nuns in the one spot, namely Listowel.
Cora O’Brien was our leader. She and her husband Martin lost their son David to suicide 12 years ago. David was 16.
We raised a nice bit of money for Pieta House. Joan Freeman was in charge at the time and she promised to open a Pieta House in Kerry. Joan kept her promise.
The new record we set was 1,436 and they put us in the ‘Guinness Book of Records’ annual, that year.
I think I might have mentioned earlier that I only dressed up as a woman once.
Nuns are women too, you know.
But when I dress as Dolly that will be three times a lady.
Dressing as Dolly was Cora’s idea. The ‘Guinness Book of Records’ people have changed their format. Now the aspiring record holders have to pay around four grand just to get a shot at the title.
The ‘Guinness Book of Records’ is no longer owned by Guinness. We are looking for a sponsor.
The records people have allowed us to dress people on the same lines as Dolly in public photographs. They are very nice to deal with and are doing their best.
The big problem is to keep down the cost of the costumes.
Cora is trying to negotiate with the records people on the footwear. For Nunday we turned away about a hundred because they weren’t wearing black shoes.
Men will never get the hang of wearing high heels.
They will be falling off all over the place. Then there’s the cost, as most men do not own high heels, although we did wear platforms when I was a teenager. I was 6ft 7in back in the day.
The event is not certain to get the go ahead until such time as Cora finalises the deal with the Guinness records people.
The record is 250, so we are very confident of beating same if only we can keep the cost of the Dolly outfits to a minimum.
The charities this time are The Hospice and Comfort for Chemo Kerry.
I am a patron of Comfort for Chemo. My mam and dad both died from cancer and they had a lot of travelling to do to get to the chemotherapy.
I got through Christmas no bother but then just in the last week the grief burst its banks again. I think part of it comes from thinking back on all they had to go through.
Mom only had about three sessions, as there was no point in carrying on with the treatment. But Dad was up and down to Cork for months.
It took some toll. One day he said to me “the worst part is I haven’t the energy to write”. Dad was a writing junkie and it was so sad. He had another play in him but he was too worn out.
Many people have to get the cancer bus nearly every day. Very often the chemo patients could be on the go from early morning until late at night.
The cancer bus is fuelled not by diesel but by love. The travelling is too much for people who are very often in extremis. Hence the plan to improve chemo services in Tralee.
Provided we get the deal done with the ‘Guinness Book of Records’ people, Dolly Day will take place here in Listowel on Saturday, June 27. I’m pretty certain Cora will negotiate a deal.
She’s one of those kind but tough women who always seem to get things done. Our Pieta House would never have been opened but for women like Cora and Marie O’Carroll, who lost her 14-year-old son Nathan to suicide.
I call it The Power of the Mom.
You will never, ever in your life have a better day out anywhere. Picture hundreds of us dressed up as Dolly, dancing from 9 to 5 and much later than that. Save the date.
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Home » Analysis & Comment » Billy Keane: 'Three times a lady – I'm happy to take my chances dressed as Dolly Parton, but a padded bra is a must'
Billy Keane: 'Three times a lady – I'm happy to take my chances dressed as Dolly Parton, but a padded bra is a must'
We all have our own troubles. Leo and Micheál are battling away in the cage for the title of Taoiseach and me, well, all I’m worried about is dressing up like Dolly Parton.
I dressed as a woman once before and it was for a panto. It’s not easy being a woman, what with all the underwear and the hair, the nails, the make-up and the glass ceilings.
In my view the padded bra is far more comfortable than the wire bra.
Please log in or register with Independent.ie for free access to this article.
Log In
New to Independent.ie? Create an account
That wire bra would cut the shoulders off you. Now I know what Matt Talbot went through. Matt wore chains that bit into him. By all accounts he was making up for his sins.
Some of our politicians would be torn to ribbons if they took up self- flagellation as an act of atonement. It’s far easier to go in to the confession box and say: “Bless me Father, for I have been fooling the people for years.”
Personally I like to self-confess. I don’t like anyone knowing my business. I say: “Bless me Billy, for I have sinned.” I reply: “I forgive you my child. Go on away with you and drink a few pints to cure yourself.”
Yes I am a sinner. I admit it freely.
TDs are also into selfless acts of self-forgiveness.
Their expenses could be a minefield of temptation for the unscrupulous, if such existed. They get a fixed rate per night and there is no need to provide receipts like the rest of the people of Ireland. There’s a gain here, as regular guests usually get a preferential rate.
Some of the poorer TDs even have to opt for raffles.
Picture the scene: “And the winner of the hamper full of musty sell-by-date products is a mauve ticket serial number PQWERSDTVU 543217967532145673.”
It’s impossible to keep count of all the serial numbers. The winning ticket in some of these draws is often mauve or salmon.
I think it’s because no one knows what mauve looks like or what colour a salmon is and therefore no one will claim the prize.
A few years back a few of us put together a Guinness world record attempt to see if we could get the most people dressed up as nuns in the one spot, namely Listowel.
Cora O’Brien was our leader. She and her husband Martin lost their son David to suicide 12 years ago. David was 16.
We raised a nice bit of money for Pieta House. Joan Freeman was in charge at the time and she promised to open a Pieta House in Kerry. Joan kept her promise.
The new record we set was 1,436 and they put us in the ‘Guinness Book of Records’ annual, that year.
I think I might have mentioned earlier that I only dressed up as a woman once.
Nuns are women too, you know.
But when I dress as Dolly that will be three times a lady.
Dressing as Dolly was Cora’s idea. The ‘Guinness Book of Records’ people have changed their format. Now the aspiring record holders have to pay around four grand just to get a shot at the title.
The ‘Guinness Book of Records’ is no longer owned by Guinness. We are looking for a sponsor.
The records people have allowed us to dress people on the same lines as Dolly in public photographs. They are very nice to deal with and are doing their best.
The big problem is to keep down the cost of the costumes.
Cora is trying to negotiate with the records people on the footwear. For Nunday we turned away about a hundred because they weren’t wearing black shoes.
Men will never get the hang of wearing high heels.
They will be falling off all over the place. Then there’s the cost, as most men do not own high heels, although we did wear platforms when I was a teenager. I was 6ft 7in back in the day.
The event is not certain to get the go ahead until such time as Cora finalises the deal with the Guinness records people.
The record is 250, so we are very confident of beating same if only we can keep the cost of the Dolly outfits to a minimum.
The charities this time are The Hospice and Comfort for Chemo Kerry.
I am a patron of Comfort for Chemo. My mam and dad both died from cancer and they had a lot of travelling to do to get to the chemotherapy.
I got through Christmas no bother but then just in the last week the grief burst its banks again. I think part of it comes from thinking back on all they had to go through.
Mom only had about three sessions, as there was no point in carrying on with the treatment. But Dad was up and down to Cork for months.
It took some toll. One day he said to me “the worst part is I haven’t the energy to write”. Dad was a writing junkie and it was so sad. He had another play in him but he was too worn out.
Many people have to get the cancer bus nearly every day. Very often the chemo patients could be on the go from early morning until late at night.
The cancer bus is fuelled not by diesel but by love. The travelling is too much for people who are very often in extremis. Hence the plan to improve chemo services in Tralee.
Provided we get the deal done with the ‘Guinness Book of Records’ people, Dolly Day will take place here in Listowel on Saturday, June 27. I’m pretty certain Cora will negotiate a deal.
She’s one of those kind but tough women who always seem to get things done. Our Pieta House would never have been opened but for women like Cora and Marie O’Carroll, who lost her 14-year-old son Nathan to suicide.
I call it The Power of the Mom.
You will never, ever in your life have a better day out anywhere. Picture hundreds of us dressed up as Dolly, dancing from 9 to 5 and much later than that. Save the date.
Source: Read Full Article