Beaten by the most detestable and vain MPs of all: HENRY DEEDES on another display of arrogance in the Commons

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Theresa May in the House of Commons on Friday

All I can say is thank God Big Ben’s covered up. At least it is now spared from the rest of the world seeing its shame.

The great bell’s home is currently cocooned tip-to-toe in scaffold as its revered tower gets a much-needed spruce-up. But when it comes to repairs, it’s the building which sits down below in need of the most urgent attention.

Vain, arrogant, sour, self-serving, smug, deceitful, delusional, ill-mannered. This may just be the most chillingly detestable bunch of MPs we have had to endure in a Parliament which, let’s face it, has produced its fair share of vintage crops in recent years.

Here is a collective which was handed a directive from the British people and at the third time of asking yesterday took a collective honk of the pipes and spat it right back at them. Regain sovereignty? Take back control? No, sorry. We. Know. Better. What an utter shower they are.

The result of the vote was never really in question. Those peculiar bods the Democratic Unionists had already seen to that. But the atmosphere around the Commons was no less dramatic.

As the tellers arrived back in the chamber just before 3pm, the Government’s chief whip Julian Smith, face longer than a Derby winner, made a beeline for the Prime Minister. As he whispered the bad news in her ear, she gently nodded her head and gave him a reassuring pat on the hand. ‘Thank you,’ she murmured. ‘No really, thank you.’

When her defeat was announced – by a margin of 58 – Mrs May afforded herself a resigned itch of the nose before propelling herself to the dispatch box. She expressed ‘profound regret’ that once again the House had failed to deliver the Brexit people had asked of them.

Mrs May, the House of Commons Andrea Leadsom and Attorney General Geoffrey Cox listen as Deputy leader of the DUP Nigel Dodds speaks in the House of Commons on Friday

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Johnny Mercer (Con – Plymouth Moor View) slumped forward, head in hands. So too did Sir Nicholas Soames (Con – Mid Sussex).

Jeremy Corbyn immediately took the opportunity to toss lime on Mrs May’s remains, demanding she ‘go now’. Further daggers came from Vince Cable (Lib Dem – Twickenham) and hateful Caroline Lucas (Green – Brighton Pavilion). Honestly, I’ve seen scavenging urban foxes behave with more dignity.

Westminster had been gorgeous that morning. Weather-wise that is. Otherwise it was Millwall meets Magaluf.

The entire area outside the Parliamentary estate was awash with banners. Everywhere you turned, petty scuffles broke out between Remain and Leave supporters. There was a woman with a microphone telling anyone who’d listen that the PM was a ‘treacherous cow’. And that was one of the more highbrow political rants.

Solicitor General Robert Buckland (centre right) points at the frontbench of the opposition party next to Chancellor of the Exchequer Philip Hammond (right)

Inside, there was a dress-down Friday feel about the place. Sir Oliver Letwin (Con – West Dorset) donned his weekend shooting tweeds. Soames rocked a beige Man-From-Del-Monte number with matching sneakers.

The debate began right after morning prayers. Speeches, I fear, were far from Premier Cru. Vin ordinaire stuff at best.

SNP leader Ian Blackford spoke for what seemed like an eternity, offering a tirade on Scottish independence. Poor Blackers, he could bore the pants off a Papal librarian. There were valiant attempts by Conservatives to speak sense to the ERG clowns. Iain Duncan Smith (Con – Chingford and Woodford Green) pointed out the House was stuffed full of Remainers. The No Deal the ERG craved would never be allowed to happen. Eurosceptic dunderhead Sir William Cash (Con – Stone) turned on his heels and walked out. Like talking to a bag of rocks.

When her defeat was announced – by a margin of 58 – Mrs May afforded herself a resigned itch of the nose before propelling herself to the dispatch box

Mrs May reacts to Jeremy Corbyn’s speech in the Commons yesterday after the vote. She is flanked by Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union Stephen Barclay (left) and Attorney General Geoffrey Cox

Summing up time was a tale of two speeches. Mr Corbyn spoke to a three-quarter full chamber, the soundbites depressingly familiar (‘Nothing has changed’ ‘This is a government in chaos’). Behind, there was a blanket of uninterest from his backbenchers. Mrs May delivered a corker, making one last plea to members to back her deal. Entertaining cockney diamond Lyn Brown (Lab – West Ham) was having none of it. ‘Ain’t gonna ’appen, luv,’ she kept yelling. She was right, of course.

Later that afternoon, I spotted that down-at-mouth chap Mercer in the pub dripping sweat in his tracksuit. He was so fed up he’d had to for a jog to make sense of it all.

And so to Monday. What next? Whatever it is, it will not be what the public voted for. Brexit now rests in the palms of the Letwins, Coopers and Grieves who never wanted us to leave and will now possibly never let us.

Call the medic. Send for the men in white coats. We have all become God’s madmen.

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